When did my baby become a 5 year old?

3 days ago, while the house is in a mess, my firstborn shifted aside on the Ikea stool he was sitting on to make space for me. Just us both, we sat facing the opened kitchen window for dinner. It was a beautiful evening, amidst the chaos.

"This is nice of you." I said.

"Am I nice, ibu?" He asked.

"Yes, you are. Why are you being nice to me?"

"It's because I love you, ibu." He said, and hugged me.

I think that was probably the first time he ever said he loved me without being told to or as a response to an "I love you".

That was a beautiful night indeed.

7th year itch

I'm at a point in my life where I am a pinball, bouncing around in a trapped maze, always missing the exit. But instead of winning everytime I hit something, I bruised. It's just painful and exhausting. I feel like... I've been patient long enough. I'm asking... how much longer?

Three-one oh-three one-three.

Throwback to my "every girl's dream is to be a bride".

Have you ever been in a situation where you just gave up on love after you've passed a certain age and thought that it would never happen to you?

Well that was me. And I had never been in love.

After I'd passed the age of twenty-four and wasn't interested in any of the guys I dated on an emotional level, I thought being alone was ok. I wasn't unhappy. I was perfectly fine.

I thought that love was bullshit anyway, and that I could do without the hassle of heartbreaks and constantly having to please someone and the need of companionship, etc.

And when I least expected it, I fell in love.

7 months after our first date, we were engaged.

6 months later, two weeks ago, we were officially married. Our nikah, the solemnization, was a small event and only both of our immediate families, relatives and close friends were invited. It was short and simple and the important people in our lives were there to witness it.

All praise be to God the Almighty, Lord of infinite.

I am glad it went well and though I was anxious and had wanted to get it done and over with, I miss it.

The preparation itself was mostly DIYs.

I had relatives who came over to help decorate my room, gift trays, put together my hand bouquet and put up fresh flowers. My aunt personally sew the tray covers for me, which I love so much, and my dad's sister baked cookies for the door gifts. I did the DIY foam roses for my bunga rampai. My sisters baked brownies and a cake. Then my cousins and I had fun decorating the cake the night before the event.

I truly enjoyed the company, and I dearly miss it.

I am truly grateful and thankful to have family who are helpful and supportive, especially my parents and siblings. And though I may not know how to properly show it because I am naturally awkward, I love all of them to bits.

May God bless them with all the goodness in life and the hereafter for their kindness and care.

9 more months to the reception.

Although me and Darth are currently not living together and are slightly struggling to save for the bigger event, I am glad and relieved that at least the important part of the ceremony is over. And that we are legally and religiously married. I now feel more secure of this relationship and totally "guilt" free.

Below are some photos from my phone

This is my after midnight and my 7 wedding songs.

It's past 12 and I'm thinking of songs I want to get played on my wedding 

So far I've got 7 songs which I can think of right now (most of which prob won't get played anyway)

Will add some more because there are just too many and I'm a little brain dead and I don't know why I'm doing this right now but I kinda have to and also because I can't sleep

1. Bloc Party - Truth

2. Bloc Party - Modern Love

3. Paramore - Only Exception

4. Eisley - Kind

5. Eisley - Better Love

6. Death Cab for Cutie - I Will Follow You Into The Dark

7. Coldplay - Yellow

This is my Sunday detox.

Today I decided not to go to the office for overtime work. I didn't decide for my Sunday detox but it happened as the hours pass.

1. So my Sunday detox began with myself bawling my eyes out. This was just after my morning prayer when a good mix of anxiety attack, sudden panic and anxiousness kicked in. I had a good, a little more than an hour's cry before I finally fell asleep

2. I woke up at 11am, took my supplement, had break fast, popped two pain killers then washed my hair

3. I made green tea and wired the leaves onto all 48 foam roses then covered the wires with tape. I listened to Maroon 5's Sunday Morning on repeat while doing it

4. After I was done with the foam roses. I decided to bake some vanilla cupcakes with random fillings. It was supposed to be mainly Nutella but we were nearly out of it, so I finished what leftover Nutella we had than just popped in some hazelnut milk chocs into the remaining cups

5. Yes, finally showered. Did a little bit of embroidery while waiting for the download of New Girl's latest episode to complete

6. New Girl season 2 episode 18 to end my Sunday detox. Hell yeah

Oh God tomorrow is Monday, please grant me strength.

This is my hash-tag throwback Wednesday.

Met up with two of my fave peeps from uni yesterday. We had tea for dinner, talked for hours and I've to admit I'd missed their company. 3 years in uni, 2 months in Seoul, it had been so much fun. 

And what is up with me pairing pattern with pattern these days???

This is my Monday Oranges.

This morning I woke up and decided I didn't want to go to work. The feeling is simply so relieving. I forgo sleeping in, by nine I was preparing to bake some orange cuppy cakes only this time I made cream cheese frosting. 

I finally finished taping all 48 foam roses. Putting off wiring on the leaves for next time. The repetitiveness is such a boring task, so it can wait... for now.

Dinner with Darth + passed him some cuppy cakes. Then ended the day with New Girl season 2 latest episode.

Some Mondays can be nice, just like today.