Curious as a cat or scaredy cat?

Holiday season's the best when you get a seat in the bus on your way to work because everyone else's on leave. I don't like my job but it pays and I try to appreciate the fact that I get to see the sea everyday. If I overtime and leave work later than usual, the sun long set and it's dark outside I'm able to experience the late evening breeze bringing with it the smell of salt and sand. When I stand at the photocopying machine I feel like that protagonist from Fight Club where everything is a copy of a copy of a copy. And then I'll get really emotional and quietly cry on the inside. And I forget that I'm fortunate enough to earn a living and see the sea everyday. At that very moment where I'm standing by the photocopying machine is when I feel most depressed, sad and... alone. But when God gives me a date to go out with, I procrastinate. When a guy tells me he likes me, I dash for the nearest exit. When we've been going out for far too long, I let myself disappear. When my best friend asks me out, I postpone. I feel like Virginia Woolf and her periodic mood swings. I dream of a husband like hers who'd stuck by her all those years. No, this is not my new year's resolution. If I think about change, I'll look at my childhood photos and see that I'm still the same moody girl who glares without meaning to. I'm sorry. Happy new year. God be with all of us. Amen.