This was after I waited and waited and waited but nothing came so I went home

I'm exhausted

I work on most weekends and public holidays and after office hours

I don't like my job but I have no choice, I can't simply drop everything and go

Some days I wonder if this is all worth it

On nights when all the thoughts start to stream in, I lie on my back in the middle of my bed straight as a plank and I feel trapped

I don't imagine an explosion of stars against the night sky anymore

Now I think about what I'm doing right or wrong 

And I worry and worry and worry

I skip lunches when I'm broke 

Cry when I feel hapless

And then hate myself for thinking that money is the most important thing in the world

But it's because I need it and I don't have enough

My graduation trip savings? Already used for something else

And I know that my priorities have had a sharp turn and the route have changed

And I do want the people I love to be happy

And that's why it's so tiring

And also being sad because I'm too tired to do the things I enjoy

My yearn to travel feels like an ache

Like the kind of choking sadness

So maybe I should stop yearning

Maybe I should stop talking
Maybe I should stop